When comics keep it too real

We all love comics as a version of escapism from our day to day.  But there are times when you pick up a book, looking for an escape, and the writers keep it a little too real for you.  This is part 1 of 13 times when Keeping it real in comics messed with the idea that comics is just for kids.

1.      Galactus Hangs Foot in the Sphinx’s Sphincter ( Fantastic Four 212-213)

The Sphinx has always been one of my favorite characters in Marvel.  Introduced in Nova #8, the Sphinx transitioned to the Fantastic Four for better exposure. He was immortal and wanted to remove the Ka Stone so that he could die. Well after finding the solution to the immortality  problem, he decides to destroy the Earth instead.  Well Mr. Fantastic contacts Galactus to “Put down that Uppity Ninja”, and then Galactus can eat the planet Earth afterwards. Galactus accepts this deal and proceeds to earth. Meanwhile, The Sphinx recreates Ancient Egypt  as a reminder of its former glory. Galactus shows up, exchanges some words and the two go at it. The Sphinx gets a beating for the ages and is dispatched in less than 10 comic panels. The f’d up part is that instead of killing the Sphinx, Galactus puts him back in time to live his life  and defeat over again forever.

2.        Dr. Light  Sexually Assaults the Elongated Man’s Wife ( Identity Crisis  #2)

    

 

Dr. Light was always shown as a super powerful villain in the Teen Titan comics, but he was also very myopic in the execution phase.  I always equate him to the Monarch in the Venture Brothers series on the Cartoon Network. Well Identity Crisis changed my perception of him.  Somehow Dr. Light got in the Watchtower and the only person in the tower was Sue Dibny, The Elongated Man’s wife. Dr. Light takes advantage of her before the heroes arrive. The writer Brad Meltzer puts you into the choices the heroes have to make to stop Dr. Light and the Dark Knight. I’m reading the series again because it so good

      

3.      Norman Loves Gwen, Then Kills Her ( Sins of the Past  - Amazing Spider-Man 509 –514)   



                 The House of M decided to bring back Norman Osborn ( Green Goblin) from the dead to bother Peter Parker / Spiderman . The WTF of the feud between these two was when Spider- man was attacked by two young super powered teenagers  who also knew his secret identity. During the battle, the teenagers revealed that their mother was Polly Purebred ass Gwen Stacy. The other uppercut was that they believed  Peter Parker was the deadbeat daddy that abandoned them. So through the story arc, Peter explains that he couldn’t be their father  because he was only shooting  white gobs at Gwen while in costume. Then in Maury Povich-esque fashion, Spiderman finds out that the real deadbeat daddy is Redhead Kingpin  Norman Osborn. Trick ass Mary Jane Watson- Parker  finally tells her husband Peter that Gwen was secretly having this relationship with Norman. She gets preggers and goes to France to download these bastards. Norman supports them but as we all know he O. J.’s  Gwen. 

 




 

   IV.    Kraven’s Last Hunt – The story was originally published in Web of Spider-Man #31-32, The Amazing Spider-Man #293-294, and The Spectacular Spider-Man #131-132. 

This was a series that I couldn’t wait until the next issue came out.  Up until this story, KTH was like Batroc the Leaper or the Toad. My introduction to him was probably in the 1960s Spiderman cartoon series. I could not give him the push required  to take him seriously. Enter Kraven’s Last Hunt. A play on the classic poem by William Blake called The Tyger. Kraven seemingly kills the “Spider” that has been whupping his ass for years. Then he takes on the Spider persona and starts hurting/killing bad guys to get law enforcement’s attention.

The Spider wakes up from being killed (poisoned ) only to find out Kraven has made being Spiderman worse . Spiderman finally confronts Kraven who doesn’t even fight. He just smiles knowing that he finally won.  Spiderman has to undo the damage. Kraven goes Cobain afterwards.

                               

5.  Phoenix Force  Goes Supernova  ( X-MEN 135)

  

     

       This part of the Dark Phoenix story is more Jack’d up than Jean Grey dying. After throttling the X- Men, Dark Phoenix/ The Phoenix Force decides to take her host on a test ride. During the ride, the Phoenix  decides to refuel at a local star system . The fuel of choice is solar power. The Phoenix Force plunges  into the sun of this solar system and makes it go Supernova  about 5  billion years too soon. One of the planets in that solar system had humanoid life on it but the Supernova kills them. When Jean Grey finally (?)  gets control of her body, she is charged by the Inter- Galactic Council for murdering the inhabitants on that planet.  She pleads Dark Possession. The rest is history.

6. The Joker Shoots Barbara Gordon - The Killing Joke 1988

 

       This was disturbing, even in graphic novel form. The Joker believes that it only takes a couple of really horrible events in a person’s life to go insane. The story centers around the man who would become Mr. J being a struggling comedian with a wife and baby on the way. To supplement his income, he takes an offer from two criminals to break into a playing card factory. Just before the burglary, He finds out his wife died during labor and the child died as well.  Mr. J tries to get out of the crime but he is forced to follow through. The Joker Origin story .

                                                    

        Now he wants Police Commissioner Gordon to go cray- cray. To accomplish this endeavor, he goes to Barbara Gordon’s (Batgirl) residence, she Epic Fails her Detect Crazy Arch- Villain at my door saving throw and gets shot in the gut.  She then falls over onto a large glass table shattering her spine and her Dancing with the Stars’ chances.  With his helpless victim lying there, The Joker and his associates beat up the Commish and then take nude pictures of Barbara to show her father later. It doesn’t drive him crazy, However, this book pushes some doors open that can’t be closed. DC creates the Oracle character out of Barbara Gordon.