Saturday, July 4, 2015

What the F$%K - TOP GUN2

    The Infinite Monkey Theorem states that a monkey hitting keys at random on a typewriter keyboard for an infinite amount of time will almost surely type a given text, such as the complete works of William Shakespeare.

    Is Hollywood out of monkeys ? Why do we need Top Gun 2 ?!! Who wants to see Tom Cruise play someone's father/ mentor. I'm sure Kelly McGinnis and Val Kilmer have already advised they are available to reprise their original roles. Both of them have been dragged down the dusty road of time by their faces. Throw in Meg Ryan too....

Dang... How they look like this and Cruise still look 35?

    Surely they will add some minorities. The Hispanic guy named Renaldo Sanchez Codename " Chalupa " who wants to protect his new country from America's enemies. The woman, probably played by Rhonda Rousey (she's in everything else) Codename "Chude " chick-dude. The black person will have a checkered past, Codename "Selma", was Affirmative Action'd into Top Gun. They will also have a redneck, Codename "Skynyrd". The movie will spend the first hour showing the heroes fighting each other, then Cruise will go into some scene chewing diatribe telling them that he was just like them until he killed his co-pilot. They all then get on board to work as a team.

    Then the movie goes into "Best of the Best/ Pitch Perfect " mode. There is an America versus the World competition, The Xenu - Hubbard Games. The bad guys have some new technology, courtesy of Edward Snowden. Team America is struggling in the competition. One of our pilots gets killed, probably the black pilot, of course . Team America  gets inspired. Skynyrd eats Chitlins and we win. Where's my damn Banana ?

Monkey eating Banana

-Big Hutch

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